Tense

Okay, first note, me keeping up with anything continuously always fails! So no more lists. Eh it was fun while it lasted. Second note is that I recently learned that I am a tense person. It only took a couple of photos (which rarely happen, since I am horrendously photo-phobic) and a creepy come-on. Let me regal you with the details. I do not, normally, like to attend parties and other boisterous social events. Small gatherings for dinner, movies, walks, and travel are much more my style. However, two weeks ago I did go out to a dance with a few friends and photos were naturally taken. Recently, those photos were posted on Facebook and they are... less then stellar. I look like a solider ready for hoard of terrorists to explode in my face. I am standing stiffly, with shoulders squared back, arms at the side, on my toes and ready to run out the door at a moments notice. =/ Obviously, that is not how I wanted to look, especially as I was wearing a black dress, heels and makeup.
The other occurrence that lead me to realize this about myself happened last night. After munching on chicken lomein and watching some movies with a friend =) I walked across campus late at night (or one can say very early in the morning). The typical douchebag and entourage called out to me and said, "Hey baby, you lookin' kinda tense. I can help joo! I'll relax joo. Come on baby, I like them glasses..." etc etc. While I wasn't interested in any kind of help he could dish out, I did zero in on that word again. Tense. Tense, tense, tense. I've always been so tense, but never had enough time or sense to think about it. Is it my tense attitude that puts people off? How did I get so tense? I thought that walking with an attitude is just what New Yorkers do, a way to protect yourself from muggers, rapists, and murders. I didn't think it kept everyone else at bay as well, nor did I think that that attitude seemed to creep in with everything I do, from pictures before a party to happily walking home. It just irks and surprises me to see such a negative side of myself.